For Parents: Suggestions to Help Support Your Child
SUGGESTIONS TO HELP SUPPORT YOUR CHILD
By Family Education Staff
Sponsored by the American School Counselor Association
Think ahead.
One of parents’ best tools is being prepared. When your child gets to the middle-school years, occasional conflicts are very common. Think through what is truly important to you. Is your child's hairstyle as important as homework? Isn’t a curfew more of a concern than moodiness? As these give-and-take situations start, know ahead of time what areas you are willing to negotiate and what areas you are not. Parents have the ultimate power, and it is important to be a positive role model. Eventually kids are going to possess power of their own, and we want them to be able to use it wisely.
Break down big chores into small parts.
Sometimes preteens feel overwhelmed by tasks, especially those they have let go for a long time. A disastrous bedroom, twenty-three overdue math assignments, a long-term project that is "suddenly" due in a few days; all of these can cause the preadolescent to give up rather than get started.
Help your child by showing her how to set smaller goals: Clean off your bed; get five assignments done tonight; assemble the materials for the project. Many preadolescents have trouble structuring tasks to make them more approachable.
Encourage your middle schooler to keep a daily to-do list.
A weekly list may be too much. Instead, each day your child can list a few things that need to be done that day. You might have to help designate a specific time for each task. When each task is finished, your child can draw a line through it to feel a sense of accomplishment.
Be willing to listen, but allow space.
Kids this age value independence and sometimes seem secretive. Keeping to themselves is part of the separateness they are trying to create. Let your child know that you are there, but don't push him into a defensive position.
If your child is in the midst of a longtime friendship that seems to be deteriorating, the best thing you can do is stand by and be a good listener. It is so challenging when parents see their children hurting, but taking sides or intervening usually is not appropriate or helpful. Help them understand that friendships have ups and downs. Middle-school friends have falling outs, but they often mend in a short time. They will survive these hurts, especially if they know you are there to listen and be supportive.
Show your child the qualities of a good friend.
Friends are people who accept us as we are. They listen, they back us up when we are right and pick us up when we are down. In this sense, be a friend to your middle schooler; some days your kids may feel like you are the only one they have.
The tips above are from H.E.L.P. How to Enjoy Living with a Preadolescent and MORE H.E.L.P.
These pamphlets are authored by Judith Baenen and published by the National Middle School Association.
Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/tween/